The Turning of a Page

Time is a funny thing. It silently slips away. You can submerse yourself in moments, engraving them into your memory, but eventually we face the inevitable. The moments continue to escape us, the clock continues ticking and the world keeps turning.

I found myself attempting to hold onto the final hours I had with what my heart knows is my last baby. I tucked him in into bed, 11 months and 364 days old. His first birthday fast approaching. I laid beside him, tracing his delicate features with my eyes, sketching them into my canvas of memories. The time felt tangible, that if I just grasped it a little harder, it wouldn’t slip away so quickly. Eventually I came face to face with the painful truth, that no matter how hard I held on, tomorrow he would be one year old. Soon to be walking, then running. That toothy grin soon to be a full smile of precious teeth. The baby onesies soon to be tucked away, replaced with mud stained toddler t-shirts and grass stained sneakers. The diapers soon to be replaced with big boy undies. The sweetness of contentment, soon to be met with the battle for independence.

I can continue to hold on for all I’m worth. Spend my energy clinging to the final page of a chapter, that I’ve read, experienced and now completed. I could continue to hold the page between my fingers, linger in its familiarity or willingly turn it, allowing a new chapter to begin. No matter how hard I want to stay in this chapter, relive the moments and dwell in my contentment, there’s a new chapter waiting.

It reminds me of the saying “Seize the day. Then let it go.” - Marty Rubin

I’m beginning to realize that time does not pass. It continues. Despite how cruel it feels to say goodbye to a season of life, another one is just around the corner with unexplored beauty, lessons and experiences. The bold lesson that life is intended to continue. The baby I’m so desperately clinging too, I have the privilege to witness grow into his own person with a story of his own. I have the blessed opportunity to go through these chapters of life along side him.

I was woken, the wee hours of the morning with a whimper from my youngest. Ironically in time to witness my baby turn a chapter in his life. As if the Lord recognized my internal battle. He granted me the opportunity to capture the final moments of this closing chapter and wave it off with contentment and welcome a new one with a grateful heart.